Back to the Beginning

Hello all! For this week’s transcript Tuesday I have decided to share with you a few poems. This is actually pretty hard for me, because my poems have always been a form of therapy for me. What makes it more difficult is that none of these are new; other than 1 poem I wrote 2 years ago, I haven’t written any poetry in 5 years.

This first one I wrote in August 2009:

Surrender

I am broken, not shattered,
Blood pours out like wine.
Faint memories of what was,
Still, yet barely, shine.

What caused the wall,
To crumble to the ground?
Why is it that, today,
Pride is no where to be found?

Where did I lose all control,
Who is to blame for this?
Severed hand reaches higher,
Begging for Holy kiss.

Lose focus on yesterday,
It cannot help you now.
Today is a new day,
It’s time to make a new vow.

Scattered to the wind,
All I used to believe.
Separating good from bad,
To Him will I cleave.

There’s nothing else,
But He who doth see.
All that I was,
All that I can be.

For who else could love,
And foresee a work of art.
In a creature so wretched,
Desperately needing a new start?

All good comes together,
But putty in his hands.
Giving up my will to resist,
Now it’s all His plans.

Someone has to do better,
Better than I have done.
I have to be trained,
For the battle to be won.

I can’t do it on my own,
I lose left and right.
I can’t look at myself,
Unless through Your sight.

Sacrificing self,
To You I surrender.
Mind, Body, Soul,
Heart to You render.

Alone I cannot stand,
Alone You cannot fall.
My kingdom lays waste,
While You’re Lord of all.

This second poem, from October 2008, is a lot darker. I used to have this recurring nightmare, which is described in the poem, from age 9 or 10 until…well it stopped after I wrote it down. The odd part is this particular nightmare is the only time (I can recall) that I have ever dreamed in black and white (save for the rose part in the middle).

Recurring

I awaken in a daze,
Unsure and out of sorts.
All color has drained,
People gathered, in cohorts.

Before thinking,
Becomes at all clear.
Plotting turns to decision,
And anger is all I hear.

Bound and led away,
What will end this day?
Stolen in confusion,
Praying for absolution.

Brought on trial,
In total denial.
For what crime,
Did I commit this time?

People I love,
Those held dear.
Are with the accusers,
Not shedding a tear.

Fingers shoved,
In my direction.
Not a kind word,
Hate is their only inflection.

A burst of color,
Seals my fate.
Dark red rose,
Blood lust satiate.

Beaten, spat upon,
They all curse my name.
Leading me to my death,
I hide my face in shame.

No mourners here,
No sympathy.
I want the end,
They wish for me.

Bound hastily,
Thrust forward.
Cheering now,
As I get my just reward.

Hooded figure,
Harbinger of Death.
Cloak and Dagger,
Come to steal my last breath.

Hope here for me,
Would be but a delusion.
So I resign to my wanted demise,
Finally escaping this illusion.

I really don’t want to leave this on a depressing note, so I will share one more. This one is from September 2008, and it’s pretty self-explanatory.

Phoenix Eternal

Despite the claims,
Of it being my time.
Sorry to disappoint,
But higher I will climb.

Kissing the sun,
Above it all I rise.
Not resorting to ashes,
Don’t expect my demise.

I feel free,
Stronger every second.
Brighter than before,
A force to be reckoned.

My feathers spread,
Glorious in conflict.
If you sought my destruction,
I’m afraid you’ve been tricked.
No wounds, no dents,
Not a scratch to my soul.
For my heart is hidden,
In The One who makes me whole.

I hope you all enjoyed these poems, if you did or have any critiques please drop a comment!

Until the next page…

Resurrect Me

Nothing like Transcript Tuesday to get you back in the mindset of blogging! I have been MIA for the past few days for reasons unknown. Let your imagination fill in the blanks.

I’m hoping you’re currently imagining me on some kind of exciting, stealthy Mission Impossible type scenario. However, I’m pretty sure you’re probably thinking I’ve been sitting on my couch indulging in one of my favorite shows, for far longer than any human need spend in front of a television.

The truth of the matter is, I’ve been down physically which led to mentally which led to a desire to not go near anything with a keyboard. Ah, the ever-present domino effect! Long story short, I was in a car accident in 2009 which thankfully only left me with a busted left shoulder and 3 vertebrae permanently out of place. I thank God every day that it wasn’t any worse than this. However, when I do too much (which usually isn’t much more than general housework) it hurts to breathe let alone move. Now, being only 27 years old this injury makes me feel horribly useless and old. After all, I’m young and I should be able to take more. I have yet to learn the art of pacing myself.

When I realized that today was Tuesday, I decided it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself and do the one thing that my back cannot stop! As I’ve mentioned before, I have a few novels that are in various stages of disarray completion. One of those novels contains one of my favorite characters that I have ever written. Wow, that sounds kind of pious to me; but it’s the truth, so there it is.

He is from Resurrect Me, which is one of my in-process novels that I’ve decided to start working on again. Resurrect Me is a Christian YA Fiction novel (and the start of a trilogy) that takes a look at apathy through the eyes of a teenage girl. The whole novel is from her perspective, and it starts out with extremely few details as she cares very little about anything; and as she starts to become more aware of herself and the world around her things become more complicated. All of this thanks to a catalyst called Levi (aka my favorite).

Here is an excerpt:

“There’s a new kid in school today. I didn’t catch his name, but he keeps sitting near me in each class. I think D.D. made a comment about it. As I sat down in art class, new kid sat next to me.

“Hi! My name’s Levi.”

I kept my head down.

“Hello?”

I got out my sketch pad.

“Do you come with a name?”

I cleared my throat, “’Nata.”

“’Nata what? Nata my business?”

I snickered slightly, “No, it’s short.”

“For…”

I started drawing random shapes.

“Man I just can’t get you to shut up! Does she always talk this much,” he asked no one in particular.

I continued drawing.

“So the art teacher seems pretty laid back. That’s cool.”

I started shading.

“Last class was so boring. Man, I think that Mr. Burke is related to that economics teacher from Ferris Bueller!”

I put my pencils down, “What do you want?”

For a moment he didn’t answer me, and I started to draw again.

“Let’s see,” Levi finally started, “A cure for hunger and cancer; world peace, of course…and Skillet concert tickets.”

I put my pencils down again, “Is that all?”

“No, I’d also like you to look at me and tell me your name.”

I sighed and gritted my teeth as I turned to face him, “Demonata.”

“Do your parents not like you?”

I tried to go back to drawing.

“Come on humor me,” he pleaded.

“No, it’s a nickname.”

“So what’s your real name?”

The bell rang.

“I gotta get to Chemistry now,” I blurted out.

“What a coincidence! Me too!”

“Of course,” I groaned as I stalked out of the room with Levi on my tail.

When lunch came around, Levi was still following me. Kittie seemed pleased enough about it. “Nice shirt, who’s Skillet,” she asked as we approached.

“Please don’t ask him that,” I begged.

“Whoa, she talks,” Damien joked.

“Surprise, surprise,” Core added.

“Yeah, ‘Nata here’s not the kind of girl you talk with, you know,” D.D. laughed.

“No, I don’t know,” Levi said curtly then changed his tone, “Skillet is an awesome rock band they –“

“You listen to rock? You should definitely come to my house to chill tonight,” Kittie winked.

“Sure, just let me call my ‘rents after school.”

Everyone kind of looked at each other and laughed.”

If you enjoyed it or have any critiques, drop a comment!

Until the next page…